Do you look at what others are better at at work? Comparisons reflect our own insecurities. This way, you can learn to deal with them better.
In the midst of our everyday lives—whether scrolling through social media or in casual conversations with colleagues—we may sometimes encounter an unexpected thought: Where do I compare to others? Perhaps we see the successful startup founder proudly posing in front of their new luxury car, or the acquaintance posing on a dream trip.
A faint pang of doubt stirs: Why am I not where they are? Why haven’t I achieved that? It’s this silent, almost invisible comparison trap that we all fall into again and again. But why do we do it? Why do we repeatedly weigh our own lives on the scale of others, and why does it so often leave us dissatisfied?
Comparison is not a flaw, but a survival mechanism deeply ingrained in us. Our ancestors had to compete with others to survive: Who had the best hunting skills? Who could find a solution the fastest? By observing and learning from others, they improved their chances of success and survival.
Comparisons make us dissatisfied
In our modern world, however, this mechanism has transformed into something else. Our comparisons no longer take place solely in small, personal circles, but in a digital landscape where millions of people showcase their best moments. A picture from an exotic vacation, a post about the latest career move – and suddenly we lose track of our own lives.
Psychologists speak of two main types of comparison:
- Upward comparisons: We look up to someone who appears to be more successful. These comparisons can motivate us, but they can also create a feeling that we are “not enough.”
- Downward comparisons: We compare ourselves with someone who is less successful. This may boost our ego in the short term, but in the long term, it leads to a feeling of superiority and stagnation.
The real problem, however, is that we often apply the wrong standards. We only see the brilliant successes of others, but not the challenges or hardships associated with them. We fail to recognize that their goals and life circumstances may be completely different from ours.
A surprising finding from research shows that people who frequently compare themselves to others are not only dissatisfied but also have a lower sense of connection with others. Comparisons foster competitiveness and weaken our empathy.
Comparison is more than a reflex—it is a reflection of our own insecurities.
Comparisons are inevitable, but we can learn to control them differently:
- Compare differently. Instead of focusing on the difference, ask yourself: What can I learn from this person? This kind of comparison motivates more than it discourages.
- Gratitude instead of envy. Studies show that gratitude is one of the most powerful weapons against harmful comparisons. People who regularly reflect on what they are grateful for are less threatened by the successes of others.
- Focus on your own path. Don’t ask yourself whether you are better than others, but rather: Am I a little further ahead today than I was yesterday? This self-comparison is the only one that really matters.
- Digital detox. If you notice that social media encourages you to compare yourself, consciously take a break from social media. You’ll be amazed at how much freer and more content you feel without the constant comparison.
In the end, not everyone values the same thing. Some may find fulfillment in being better than others, others in staying true to themselves. What matters is that you find your own standard and follow your path with authenticity and clarity—with all its challenges and successes.
Comparison may be deeply ingrained in us, but it is not an unchangeable fate. True growth occurs when we detach ourselves from this inner competition and focus on what truly fulfills us. Imagine how much energy is released when you no longer allow yourself to be defined by external standards. Instead, you could reflect on the question: Am I becoming the person I want to be? Because ultimately, our life is not the standard of others, but the story we courageously write ourselves.
