Maybe you know these bosses too: Before the employee can even decide, the supervisor comes and checks every step, corrects here, doubts there, and leaves little room for initiative. He or she has to be kept up to date on every little detail and every change needs approval. Sound familiar?
I call these bosses helicopter bosses because they constantly circle above you and micromanage wherever they can.
Maybe – if you are sincere – you are (sometimes) one of them?
My aim in this article is not to denounce helicopter bosses, but to create an understanding of the effects of such behavior, the emotions behind it, and how there are ways to deal with it more productively.
The Price of Control: Frustration and Anger
For employees, constant monitoring is like undermining their self-efficacy – their confidence in their own competence. This constant monitoring and the feeling that one’s own work is not viewed as sufficiently competent inevitably leads to frustration. Anger is often the
reaction that bubbles up in employees, not out of defiance, but out of a deep feeling of powerlessness.
“Why should I try if my work is never good enough anyway?” This question is a constant companion.
Frustration leads to resignation and a drop in motivation. The energy that once went into creative solutions and efficient work turns into an inner defensive attitude. Employees do their job by the book, only do what they are told to do, and only invest the necessary energy. Their initiative drops to zero, they no longer get involved and stay out of everything.
What consequences does this have for the manager? This makes it almost necessary to micromanage because employees will go to the boss for every little decision, only do what they are explicitly told, and all creative thinking and solution-finding is left to the manager.
And this in turn leads to stress and overwork for the manager, because in addition to their own tasks, they now also have to take care of all employees and take on responsibility in those places where they should actually be relieved of some of the burden.
So it’s a rather stupid situation for everyone involved.
The hidden emotions of the leader: guilt and shame.
But what drives a helicopter boss? The answer is often not as one-dimensional as one might think. Many of these managers act out of deep insecurity. The fear of not being perceived as competent or strong enough plays a major role. Behind the controlling facade lie feelings such as guilt and shame. Guilt because they know that they are limiting the space for their employees to develop. Shame because they secretly recognize their own insecurity and fear of making mistakes.
However, these emotions are often taboo, especially in a business context. Instead of reflecting on them and addressing them openly, they result in even stricter control, which further fuels the spiral of micromanagement.
So let’s take a closer look now
Guilt is the feeling that occurs when a person believes that they have done something wrong or violated their own values and beliefs. In the role of a helicopter boss, guilt can arise when the leader realizes that her behavior is damaging to employees. She feels that her excessive control is undermining the motivation and self-efficacy of employees. Guilt signals to her that she may be acting contrary to her own idea of good leadership and thereby harming the well-being of the team.
For example, a manager notices that his constant interference is causing employees to lose initiative and to only complete tasks passively. This realization can cause guilt because he knows that his actions are damaging the team in the long term.
Shame, on the other hand, goes deeper than guilt. While guilt refers to behavior (“I did something wrong “ ), shame refers to self-image (“I am inadequate” or “I am not good enough”). Shame occurs when the leader perceives themselves as unable to relinquish control and sees this as a personal failure. The leader feels exposed, weak or inadequate, and instead of admitting these emotions or dealing with them openly, they often reinforce their controlling behavior to compensate for this weakness .
The paradox of shame is that it often leads leaders to become even stricter because they instinctively try to cover up their weak self-image by being overly strong. However, this creates a vicious cycle: the leader increases micromanagement, which leads to even more problems in the team, which in turn further increases shame and insecurity.
Rebekka Ilgner, leadership developer at Vitamin Empathie – The Leadership Academy
Why is it important to understand these emotions?
Because awareness of these internal processes is the first step to breaking behavioral patterns. When a leader recognizes that their need for control is driven by guilt or shame, they can begin to reflect on these emotions and develop alternative, healthier behaviors.
By the way: We perceive emotions in different parts of our body. Anger and frustration are often in the center, while shame tends to occur in the chest and head area.
Empathic leadership as a way out
This is where the concept of empathic leadership comes into play. Empathic leadership means putting yourself in the shoes of your employees, understanding their needs and giving them the space to make their own decisions. It also means recognizing and acknowledging your own fears as a manager.
An empathetic boss listens actively, offers support, and gives responsibility back to employees. This leadership style strengthens the self-efficacy of the individual. When an employee feels that he is trusted to take on responsibility, his confidence in himself and his abilities grows. The result? More satisfaction, creativity, and commitment in the team.
A balancing act.
Empathic leadership does not mean giving up all control but finding a healthy balance. Clear framework conditions and open communication can help to create both security for the manager and freedom for the employees. The goal is an environment in which self-efficacy is not only tolerated but encouraged.
Guilt and shame can be reduced through honest self-reflection and, if necessary, coaching. Empathic leadership can thus become a win-win situation: the helicopter boss learns to let go, and the employees regain autonomy and self-confidence.
In a world that demands innovation and flexibility, it is more important than ever to find the balance between control and trust. Because only those who let go can see their employees really fly.
Conclusion
As you can see, emotions in a business context are not just emotional chatter, but have a concrete impact on the performance of the employee, the entire team and the manager. That’s why it’s so important to understand them and deal with them – first in yourself and then in others.
If you now say: Hey, I want to learn to lead empathetically so that my team achieves more and feels more comfortable doing so and we can achieve more together,
I look forward to you!
